The amazing thing about people is that time doesn’t really measure how much you know them.
It’s confusing to see people you’ve known for years to become a stranger to you.
Or someone you are with to somebody you used to know.
It’s crazy to witness an unmasking of a fear you never really know was there, a pride that was always in its slumbers. A sadness that you have never noticed even through the mirrors of the soul.
Or a laughter that was always behind a poker face. A laughter behind all the anger. Beauty under the darkness.
We cannot blame people for changing, because in most times, they never did change. It’s only about how they have chosen to reveal themselves to you, and how you have managed to unveil them.
Sometimes, it’s about who you are to them and they to you.
There are a lot of questions in my head right now, and I can assume you ask yourself the same. Why is life so ironic? Why is everything complicated?
Like for instance: If you ask someone about the color of the sky, they will intend to explain it in a most scientific way possible, pairing it with facts, because that is how it really works. But have you ever wondered why the answer just can’t be as simple as the way you answer a 2-yr-old kid and say, “God painted the sky blue on the 2nd day.”
Alas, my friend, the truth is that even though we know a lot about the world, we are still blinded by reality. There are things beyond what we see, and this is the reason why we blame fate and God for the happenings in our lives, for we have no assurance of anything even if we try to do everything. We are in a gamble, an endless battle, where the gifts or curses of the risks we take are only revealed in the end.
Even the wisest man cannot explain every secret to you, because some things are better left unsaid. Know why?
We cannot answer without questions. We cannot love without hate. We cannot find something without seeking. We cannot win without fighting. We cannot live without dying. Things work in Irony, as there is North with South, and East with West, Day with Night, Beginning with End.
So you see, my friend, I cannot explain anymore, because the mystery of life can only be unveiled by the ones who walk through it. I have seen it, but nothing is clear for me yet; as life still breathes in me, and I am taking this opportunity to seek for more.
Travel with me. Time is telling me to keep dreaming and reaching.
When should I trust? Who should I trust?
In a battle, a warrior must guide his own back. There is no one to fully trust, because sometimes, exposing your vulnerability will only mean danger for you.
My friend, in a war where in you are left alone to fight for yourself and the rest of the world, you cannot help but seek for company, for someone who will fight alongside with you. As no man is an island, we are social in nature. We do not just exist, for we coexist with one another.
But why am I saying this?
I think I have to remind you that no one else can fully read your mind but yourself. You alone can understand you, you alone know you, and you alone can change you. Yes, some may have a glimpse of how you act, they may even judge you, but do they know the reason behind why you are such? Do they even care to find out? And if they do, do they understand what it feels like to be you?
I’m afraid they cannot, my friend, because they can never be you the same way you can never be them. We are born with similarities, but we are molded with differences. It is as of how all apples are apples but we taste them in various ways.
So I must say, that even though we are tied in a commitment, you cannot expect anyone to fight your battle for you. They have their own war to win, my friend, expecting much from them will only hurt you.
I’ve tried to understand how our story went
and now I know
that our love is that of Icarus and the Sun
too blinding, too risky, too deadly-
it was meant to end as fast as it started.
I am the blinding Sun you’ve yearned for years
but you’ve forgotten you’re made of wax
so on the day you finally flew near me
you find yourself melting away slowly
At the end, you walk away like they’re nothing
As I have loved you more, you suffocate
because you become less day by day
While I burn brighter than anything else
I am the Sun
You are Icarus
No matter how much I hold on
I’ll just kill you.
And you have killed me, too
by telling me that those short days
meant nothing to you
and by letting me pretend
that we haven’t shared
a few days of passion
a few days of ecstasy
But on the days after you’ve left
I find myself no longer wishing to be with someone else
And I envy how you seem to be okay
better, even, without me
while I’m getting dimmer
until I fade eventually.
— for the Sun is meant to be alone // hrh
art by: Gabriel Picolo
You have always been questioned about your scars. You would sometimes give a laugh for an answer, for you know that even without your words they already have assumed answers on their head. And they look at you with curious eyes, not knowing that you can see through them. You can see their judgments, you can see their disgust, you can see their pity. Then, while you are gone, they talk as if they know you when they don’t, and they stab you silently with the stained glasses of your trust that they had broken.
What they don’t know is that you’re a fighter. With your own blood you cleanse their wrongs by ignoring them and living the best of what you can have.
Continue reading Wear Your Scars Like an Armor
Why is our generation depressed?
Because we are pressured into thinking that even doing our best is not enough. We are labeled lazy, but the truth is, we face the problems that older generations made and expect us to solve them.
Because we are still haunted by the prejudices of the past. We fight for recognition, equality, justice- all things that should have been given way before.
Because the society lets us believe that shallow things matter. Fame, appearance- we cannot escape judgment especially on the height of technology. We question ourselves when we do not meet its standards.
Because relationships nowadays mean so little. Forming friendships is like being in a poker game where you wouldn’t know one’s intention until it’s too late. Commitment is fragile, built on sand instead of cement, so it fades away quickly.
Because we were taught to hide our weaknesses instead of embracing them. Everybody is going to use it against you. Everybody is going to judge you.
Because dreams no longer mean happiness. They also need to be convenient, not just for yourself, but for everyone else related to you in a way who can benefit.
Because hope is already tied with too many broken promises, mistrust, and shattered expectations. We are so used to the idea of hopelessness that we make jokes about how foolish it is to even have the slightest hope in the simplest things.
Why is our generation depressed?
Because we are tired of fighting battles that have been fought for generations.
Imagine, just imagine.. how the next generations will be.
Sometimes you’d surprise me out of nowhere,
ready to spend the day with me
Sometimes your smiles would be meant for me,
and you’d look at me like I was your world
Sometimes, you’d call in the middle of the night
to tell me you miss me
Sometimes you’d look into my eyes
and tell me you love me
While I always wait for you to come,
and you’re the only one my eyes see,
How I always miss you when you’re not with me
and how I always say I love you daily
Because that’s the thing-
I am just your “Sometimes”, never your “Always,”
and I love you too much to be contented with pieces of you
while I give all of me.
– But just this once, I don’t need a “Someday,” I need a “Today.” // hrh
Have you ever wondered about the reality in where there is a different version of ourselves in every person we encounter? It is like we exist with different story lines connecting into one that is our own. To the kid you passed by and smiled at because there was ice cream on his face, you are the stranger who found him amusing while his mother scolded him for getting stains on his new shirt. To your friends, you are the person they go to whenever they need help.
Even the mirror reveals different parts of you each time you look at it. On the day of your wedding, you are a princess getting her happy ending. At 6AM, you are a cranky adult who hates his job but needs to wake up to pay the bills. On a day when everything is falling down, you are someone who is again, lost.
It is no wonder that despite the continuous rotation of life and no matter how much we discover it, we often find ourselves lost.
There is no definite version of ourselves. Every day, we are reborn into a slightly alternate version of the same selves. It may sound confusing, but we humans have a core with many layers that we peel off in every smile, every tear, every moment. It is our duty to ourselves to live in each layer we take off, because reaching the core is only when we can say that we have fulfilled life.
Whenever you feel lost, remember, it is just because you haven’t lived enough and the only way to dismiss that feeling is to continue living.