This is why you should hold on.
You don’t have to get out of the dark. You have let it consume you, but sometimes.. sometimes we need to be in shadows. I just need you to light a little flame there, like the dark night with a lone star- lonely, oh so lonely, but hopeful. I want you to hope.
You don’t have to forget all the pain. You don’t have to forgive. But don’t ever remain hurt just to blame yourself. I just need you to accept the pain and embrace it- for scars are beautiful. I want you to fight.
You don’t have to pretend. You are not okay, and that’s fine. You don’t have to put on a mask, you don’t have to force yourself to feel something, or to be someone. I just need you to be you, no matter how everybody else sees you. I want you to help yourself.
You don’t have to move forward right now. This journey isn’t easy, and if you are stuck in this road, it’s okay. I just need you to never let go, no matter how much you want to give up. I want you to try.
This is why you should hold on.
And the fact that you are still holding on,
just shows that you are strong.
— This is for you, who’s thinking of giving up today. // hrh
Photo: Basketball Diaries
The amazing thing about people is that time doesn’t really measure how much you know them.
It’s confusing to see people you’ve known for years to become a stranger to you.
Or someone you are with to somebody you used to know.
It’s crazy to witness an unmasking of a fear you never really know was there, a pride that was always in its slumbers. A sadness that you have never noticed even through the mirrors of the soul.
Or a laughter that was always behind a poker face. A laughter behind all the anger. Beauty under the darkness.
We cannot blame people for changing, because in most times, they never did change. It’s only about how they have chosen to reveal themselves to you, and how you have managed to unveil them.
Sometimes, it’s about who you are to them and they to you.
When should I trust? Who should I trust?
In a battle, a warrior must guide his own back. There is no one to fully trust, because sometimes, exposing your vulnerability will only mean danger for you.
My friend, in a war where in you are left alone to fight for yourself and the rest of the world, you cannot help but seek for company, for someone who will fight alongside with you. As no man is an island, we are social in nature. We do not just exist, for we coexist with one another.
But why am I saying this?
I think I have to remind you that no one else can fully read your mind but yourself. You alone can understand you, you alone know you, and you alone can change you. Yes, some may have a glimpse of how you act, they may even judge you, but do they know the reason behind why you are such? Do they even care to find out? And if they do, do they understand what it feels like to be you?
I’m afraid they cannot, my friend, because they can never be you the same way you can never be them. We are born with similarities, but we are molded with differences. It is as of how all apples are apples but we taste them in various ways.
So I must say, that even though we are tied in a commitment, you cannot expect anyone to fight your battle for you. They have their own war to win, my friend, expecting much from them will only hurt you.
I’ve tried to understand how our story went
and now I know
that our love is that of Icarus and the Sun
too blinding, too risky, too deadly-
it was meant to end as fast as it started.
I am the blinding Sun you’ve yearned for years
but you’ve forgotten you’re made of wax
so on the day you finally flew near me
you find yourself melting away slowly
At the end, you walk away like they’re nothing
As I have loved you more, you suffocate
because you become less day by day
While I burn brighter than anything else
I am the Sun
You are Icarus
No matter how much I hold on
I’ll just kill you.
And you have killed me, too
by telling me that those short days
meant nothing to you
and by letting me pretend
that we haven’t shared
a few days of passion
a few days of ecstasy
But on the days after you’ve left
I find myself no longer wishing to be with someone else
And I envy how you seem to be okay
better, even, without me
while I’m getting dimmer
until I fade eventually.
— for the Sun is meant to be alone // hrh
art by: Gabriel Picolo
Why are stories of angels
being cast away
were always about them falling in love?
of how they have gazed
upon a face
and felt their souls ache
longing for greater than what is above
Yet, even as they are damned
they would do everything
to protect and save their beloved
They say that being in heaven
is being home
maybe that is why
angels would rather
have their wings stripped off
– So please don’t ask me
why I love you more
than I should. // hrh
Perhaps you found me
at a time when I was lost
and just beginning to understand
Perhaps you were
the first light
that I have seen
after being in the dark
for so long
Perhaps you were
just a stranger
with the enough amount of kindness
and a little bit of charm
Regardless of how I have foreseen
and how I have long reminded myself
not to fall again
You had me at an impact
and broke my heart
just the same.
— And now I’m back to how I was before you came. // hrh
photo: Remember Me
Sometimes you’d surprise me out of nowhere,
ready to spend the day with me
Sometimes your smiles would be meant for me,
and you’d look at me like I was your world
Sometimes, you’d call in the middle of the night
to tell me you miss me
Sometimes you’d look into my eyes
and tell me you love me
While I always wait for you to come,
and you’re the only one my eyes see,
How I always miss you when you’re not with me
and how I always say I love you daily
Because that’s the thing-
I am just your “Sometimes”, never your “Always,”
and I love you too much to be contented with pieces of you
while I give all of me.
– But just this once, I don’t need a “Someday,” I need a “Today.” // hrh
Have you ever wondered about the reality in where there is a different version of ourselves in every person we encounter? It is like we exist with different story lines connecting into one that is our own. To the kid you passed by and smiled at because there was ice cream on his face, you are the stranger who found him amusing while his mother scolded him for getting stains on his new shirt. To your friends, you are the person they go to whenever they need help.
Even the mirror reveals different parts of you each time you look at it. On the day of your wedding, you are a princess getting her happy ending. At 6AM, you are a cranky adult who hates his job but needs to wake up to pay the bills. On a day when everything is falling down, you are someone who is again, lost.
It is no wonder that despite the continuous rotation of life and no matter how much we discover it, we often find ourselves lost.
There is no definite version of ourselves. Every day, we are reborn into a slightly alternate version of the same selves. It may sound confusing, but we humans have a core with many layers that we peel off in every smile, every tear, every moment. It is our duty to ourselves to live in each layer we take off, because reaching the core is only when we can say that we have fulfilled life.
Whenever you feel lost, remember, it is just because you haven’t lived enough and the only way to dismiss that feeling is to continue living.